I know the odds are stacked against me. I know it seemed like an uphill battle when I set out to lose over 100 lbs last year. I know some of you thought I couldn’t do it.
Today you might look at me and think that I must have amazing confidence and perseverance to have done it. You’d be right. But I also have many moments of self doubt and fear. Then I tell them to piss off.
I am not naive. I know there is a high percentage of people that gain back all their weight plus some. I know that losing weight is easy (kind of!) and maintaining is the hard part. This whole weight loss and healthy lifestyle thing is still pretty new to me but I am fully aware of those facts. This hasn’t stopped dozens of people from reminding me. You’d think losing 135 lbs (yup that’s the number now folks) would somehow give me credibility to knowing it will be a lifelong commitment to keeping the weight off? I know I will never be the person who doesn’t have to work out to maintain a fit physique. I will always have to be mindful of the food I eat. Not perfect with it. Never perfect. Just aware of my choices. Being in the moment. Which is a great philosophy to live by regardless of whether your goal is weight loss.
I wonder if people are waiting and watching me to see if I gain any of the weight back? Do they think I set my sights too high? Maybe they want to see me fail or just struggle – a bit? Would that somehow make me more human again in their eyes? More like them perhaps? Or is it that they don’t want me to get too comfortable in my new skin, get too relaxed, fall off the wagon and be disappointed with what would happen? Are they just looking out for my well being? Trying to help me stay “realistic”? Surely there are good intentions behind their words.
It’s like divorce. Someone says to you “That will never happen to my marriage.” Then you, as the divorced person think to yourself “Never say never”. I don’t care about statistics. I don’t care about your friend who gained it all back after 6 months or your Aunt who’s weight loss was a roller coaster ride and then she just gave up trying. I understand I will be in the minority of people who lose a significant amount of weight and keep it off. The difference between the people you know and the person that I am is that I have realized that I am in control. I choose. I choose how I am going to contribute to my healthy life every day I wake up. I know the consequences if I don’t.
I could shout it off the roof tops that I will never again weigh 300 lbs. Even 200 lbs. I wonder how many people would believe me?
No one else knows what I am truly capable of. There was a time when even I wasn’t so sure. Today I stay focused on the fact that I have knowledge and a pattern of consistency built into my life now. I have come to realize that there will always be skeptics. Once they realize the weight isn’t coming back I am sure the next thing I will hear is that I am too thin. I have learned that when you put your story out there you subject yourself to critique. Good or bad, it just comes with the territory. Some people DO get joy out of tearing others down. This I have known my entire life. You’d think with something so extreme (and dare I suggest, impressive?!) that I have done, that action might spare me. Nope. Just makes me a larger target.